Procastination

I am going for a job - eeeek

a full time job - eeeeek
the application closes tomorrow at midnight - eeeek

yes I should be doing that right now and not posting a blog post - ooops

Procastination at it's best. Wish me luck as I get back to it.

love, light and blessings

Kelebek

Sunshine

We have been blessed in this late phase of winter to have a few days of sun and today is also a glorious day.

We will be out and about to enjoy it. I have promised the little boy that we will go the 'milky shakes' - which is code for the golden archers - which is code for the big M*!@&(*^S :D

He loves the 'milky shakes' and the play equipment and the other kids that go there. He doesn't like the food so much and I do feel guilt and shame that on the occasions we have been there for tea and we practically force him to eat their nuggets and fries so that he has some food in his belly and not just the milk. I think it is strange that I want to encourage him to eat all that salt and fat so he can enjoy his sugar :$

We might even go to the 'dinosaur' park first, head into town, grab a sandwhich and then go the milky shakes.

Hope the sun is shining in your part of the world and that you get to go out and enjoy it too.

love, light and blessings
kelebek

Dishes

I really, really hate doing dishes. I would be happy to eat off paper plates and drink from plastic cups but I don't think mother earth will appreciate it.

The big boy really, really hates the dishes too.... if only I suffered from the M A L E condition then maybe I could get away with not doing the dishes... (I am really going to have to get a bit tech savvy and add some emoticons - missing a rolls eyes face right now)

I have resolved to do my dishes after tea about 5/6 times in the week... if I can keep that up for a 3 weeks I will be rewarding myself :D

My problem at the moment is that I am a short term gain person.... (I know there is a technical name for it but I am too tired to find it at the moment) so the short term is that I get to stay on my butt a bit longer. The long term pain is that I am doing my dishes at 5pm when I really should be getting tea ready, especially if I want the little boy to go to bed early instead of him staying up and he get's over tired and goes loopy, literally bouncing off the walls as he run's up the hallway.

So the plan is that after the 3 weeks of mostly doing the dishes at night I will appreciate a cleaner looking kitchen, appreciate being able to get tea done at an earlier time and might be able to get the rest of the house clean enough for visitors.

So here's to getting my dishes done after tea... I will let you know how I go.

love, light and blessings
kelebek

20 minute challenge

Well let's face it, I only had 20 mins last time and I currently have 17 mins until I have to go get the little boy :D

Oh I miss him while he is at childcare but I truly love these days.

I never expected to feel so conflicted by the arrival of the little boy. I am astonished by how quickly I can get frustrated with him when he has been at school all day. How I can loose my patience with him.

My sister is a great mother but have always thought she was a little hard on her boys. We went to her place during the holidays and she was yelling at them (they are in that tween stage) and I thought that she just needed to be a little more patient with them. I smiled indulgently at her so I copped it as she stormed off into her bedroom (she is pregnant so she is extra sensitive). Another time I meet her in town (after school holidays) and she is all calm and serene with my little boy while I am quitely seething cause he is being a typical little 3 yr old argh..... I could tell she was thinking that I just needed to lighten up a little :D

I know we (mum's that is) aren't suppose to say this but there are days that I wish we didn't have him. I know he will never realise this because he is my life, my everything. Maybe that is part of the problem. I don't truly accept and love myself and the little boy really reflects this.

The little boy is such a reflection of our parenting. I can really see it. After a few days of me being 'yelly' at him he will be 'yelly' with me. I do love that I have raised him to speak up though. A few times he has said to me 'you aren't listening to me mummy' and you know what... I wasn't. Really makes me stop, breath, think and start again.

I thought it was my job to teach him about the world but I think he is my biggest teacher.

love. light and blessings
Kelebek

Good intentions

Have to start by saying toasted cheese and sweet chilli sauce sandwhichs are the best!! (and no I am not pregnant for anyone wondering) and even though I am not a chilli fan I even upped the stakes by splashing a little hot chilli sauce on.... results are imminent.


So the little boy is in childcare today.... ahhh bliss after a week of sickness and I haven't been feeling well so a productive morning on facebook and other bloggers site was had when I realised it was Wednesday, which meant it was Tuesday yesturday, which meant I was suppose to fill out the census form.... uhhh yeah didn't happen last night. So I thought with all good intentions that I will have a toasted sandwhich and fill out the form while I was eating.

Then I realised I would have greasy fingers and that would mark the paper.... so I came up with a better plan just stay on the lappy cause a) I am the only one who uses the lappy b) I can wipe the greasy fingermarks off (which also acts as a deterent to other would be users)

I think I am so use to doing things last minute that I actually get off on the adrenalin. I am a procastinator from waaaay back. I will learn one day that it is better for me to get things done asap rather then last minute and I will actually be able to enjoy more things.

In the meantime I need to do some washing, do the dishes and tidy up. I wonder if I can fill out the form as the collector walks down the driveway (it is a long driveway)

love, light and blessings
xKelebek

My space

I have had my alter up for awhile now. It isn't really much but I have claimed it as my space. It is just the top of a tallboy and is probably 50cm x 50 cm.

I got a message that I had to clean it... so I did. I took everything off, wiped the dust off. I had tracked down a beautiful piece of fabric, blue's and purples, a few days ago and put it on. Then I put everything back on. I even dug out my shoebox of crystals that I have had for years but had them packed away from little boy's prying hands.

I know he can still reach it but our room is fairly off limits so I am not too worried about him getting to it :D

I forgot what beautiful pieces I had. I was given a chunk of clear quartz which is from the local area (about 50km from here) and it still has the beautiful red dirt. Set up a couple of my amethyst quartz chunks. I borrowed a wooden bowl that the big boy had made many moons ago to hold my collection of tumble stones. I have some books, my cards, my sage, a few things reminding me about the importance of life. I am really happy with it.

I just need to track down something that I can burn a candle on.... mmmm I am sure the right thing will turn up.

Oh did I mention I found some old diary's!! gosh the ramblings of a younger me.... are certainly something to ponder :D

love, light and blessings
Kelebek

Mothers

I realised today that no matter how old we get we always need our mum's.

I hope for those who don't have mum's (for whatever reason) have someone who is close who can take on that mother role.

My mum recently moved interstate at the beginning of the year and I really wasn't prepared for the loss and grief that I felt when she left and really she is only a phone call away but it still sucked :( I ran into an acquaintance today who is expecting her 2nd child and she was excited to be moving back interstate and closer to her 'mummy'. It was beautiful and sweet to hear her say it and reminded me that no matter how old we are we always need our mum's.

So please remember to give yours a kiss and a hug next time you see her.

Also this reminds me that I need to make sure I am looking after myself so that I have a long life ahead of me and can continue to be the best mother I can be for my boy :D

A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take. - Cardinal Mermillod

Light, love and blessings
kelebek

tired

just oh so tired.... my house has been visited by the tummy bugs (first the small boy then the big boy) after a month of the ear bugs followed by the snotty nose bug..... just so tired.

That is allxxxx

love, light and blessing
Kelebek

the 30 minute challenge

so as you can tell by the inactivity of this blog life got in the way. I was trying to think of a way to breathe life back into this blog and decided on the 30 minute challenge. The premise is simple enough. Sit down, write stuff, edit stuff and post it all in 30 minutes... sounds simple enough right?!

So I stopped writing the blog when life was heading into that big black abyss... not only was my world falling apart (another friend passed away and was the 3rd in 18 months) but the world seemed to be literally falling apart after the Japanese earthquake and subsequent tsunami and the NZ earthquakes are in there as well. Everything I was reading was bleak and I didn't want to add to that bleakness.



Now on the up and up (I now know to be careful of the comedown cause that is the ebb and flow of life) I am renewing my blog. I want to write and the only way to get good at it is to practice :D (I welcome all feedback so feel free to comment)



So what I have learned in these last 6 months.... only I can make me happy, only I can change my outlook, only I am responsible for how I allow others to treat me. It is upto me to draw that line in the sand and when someone oversteps it to confront them. I am happy to report that I am doing this. It is a major test believe me cause I hate confrontation.



So this has to be short and sweet (only 20 minutes today) cause I need to get my little boy from daycare. I plan on posting more often with the odd post to be done in 30 minutes or less.



Next... an update on those wagons now I am back on the blogging wagon :D

love, light and blessings
kelebek

The Wagons

Let's list those wagons now, there in no particular order,

• Weightloss wagon - how did that creep upto needing to loose nearly 40kgs???


• Domestic Goddess Wagon - I don't really like that term cause I don't think a goddess would need to care or think about housework but I am suffering really bad from CHAOS. Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome (google Flylady for more info)


• Know What I am Going To Be When I Grow Up Wagon - gawd.... can I be 9 again when I knew I wanted to be lawer or 5 when I wanted to be an astronought??


• Be Happy Don't Worry wagon - pretty self explanatory really.


• The No Addiction Wagon - food, internet and TV are the BIG ones.


• Be Upfront wagon - cause I hate confrontation and this means I am slightly passive aggressive and I don't like it


• Get A Life wagon - I don't have many IRL friends and that is my fault. I need to make changes so I do.


• Creative wagon - I have all this energy that needs to be channelled, I am interested in a lot of crafts but have lot's of excuses why I just can't do it... This needs to stop


• Present Mother wagon - you know actually playing games and doing stuff for the fun of it, not cause it has to be done.
  

Now that might not seem like a lot but it's all the crates that go in them that make it complicated. Just that list in itself is enough to have me ducking for cover and left me feeling hugely overwhelmed.


I can hear you all saying is that all I need to do is set goals and break it down, that if you don't take the time to plan for success then you are planning for failure yadda yadda yadda.... but that means I have more to do before I can even start.

I did read this blog (and when I get more tech savvy I will post links I promise :p) that suggested, when you need to change things use the 30 day trial technique. The idea being that you tell yourself that you are going to do whatever, you are trying to achieve, everyday for 30 days with no commitment to continue after that. So you are tricking your brain by telling yourself that this is a strictly short-term thing with no commitment to keep going (I am liking this lack of commitment thing) and in the meantime by doing it every day for 30 days you pass that magic "it takes 21 days for something to become a habit" and really cement it into your routine for another 7 days. I did try it once and it lasted 7 days.... 7 days... I was so proud of myself but even then I can't commit for longer - argghhhhh.



I have decided however to look at this in a different way to how I would normally view it. I may not have made it to the 30 days, I may not have it ingrained as a habit yet but I did do it everyday for 7 days... where as before I couldn't even do it for 2 days in a row.



So I know this is going to be a slow journey, I know that I have a lot to change but I have a good foundation, I am going to use bit's of everything and start slowly, really slowly and hope it all picks up momentum and I can start to ride all of those wagons.

Love, light and blessings
Kelebek

Getting Back Up

So I have always been a fluffer... can talk a lot about nothing much at all. It was common to be told as I was growing up that I could talk under wet cement. My first couple of blog posts are a testament to this but occasionally I need to be serious cause I really am a serious person and a big worrier. I just try and hide it under all this bravado. I also think to appreciate the fun in life you have to deal with the serious stuff too.


Life is full of up's and down's and the worst downer I have experienced is death. It is getting my head and heart to the same place that is hard. I believe in cycles and that we are reincarnated after death. I believe that for the person who is dead that they are in a better place not burdened by human emotions. The only certainty in life is death, each day you are alive is a day closer to your death. So this logically should mean that death is ok and is inevitable

BUT I hate it, hate, hate, hate it. It can stop now... I don't need to experience it anymore. I have learnt my lessons. Which are never answer or call mum when she has something bad to tell me or when there is a pause in her voice.

I have learnt that life is precious.

I already know this but there are some things that really drive it home, like when I...

• experienced a little baby's death; I now appreciate that I am alive and I need to be grateful for my life.


• experienced an old man's death I appreciate the family and friends that I share this life with. I learn that life isn't a race but does need to be enjoyed.


• experienced a young man's death, that left behind a young family, I realised the fragility of life and how things can change in an instance. I need to do the things that make me happy and incorporate my responsibilities into that.


• experienced a young woman's death, who also left behind a young family, I realise how important I am to those around me and so I need to let them know how much I love and care for my friends and family. I need to walk my talk.

I am still struggling with these deaths, I still get upset at random shit... But I am finding it easier to get back up. Doesn't mean I don't have lot's of bad days but it means that when I feel guilty for being happy I know that there people would want me to enjoy life.


So my current life mission is to find what I am meant to do here, you know those big questions that no-one but me knows the answer too. Along the way I will enjoy life too.

Love, light and blessings to you all

Kelebek

K.I.S.S

So I was reminded of K.I.S.S today... Keep It Simple Silly

When I posted my first post a few days ago. I wanted to start my next post already, instead of doing that I thought about.... and thought about it.... until my head was going to explode with all these thoughts/concepts that wanted to escape my thought stream.

I got to a point though where I became overwhelmed because I fluff things too much, I ramble and add all these unnecesary words (adjective's I think)... I had to blurt it out, stop and think and then simplified it.

So here I am after midnight and have finally posted my 2nd post. So simplify things... just one thing at a time.

So signing of for now
love, peace and blessings to you all
Kelebek

Welcome

If you have made your way to my blog then I welcome you here to the space I broadcast my thoughts into the world wild web.


It's funny when I was thinking of creating this all these thoughts went through my head as to what I was going to put into the first post and now I have blogger bloc...


I have 2 choices 1) I don't post (which you would probably prefer) or 2) I am going to torture you with my rambling rambles.


The name.... I came up with it cause I am Jumpin on the Bandwagon of the mummy blog world. You see I am a SAHM with a georgous little boy and now I am going to be a blogger
:p to those of you rolling your eyes :D
I also need to get on the weight loss wagon, the domestic goddess wagon, the let's be happier wagon and too many more to mention but no doubt you will read about them.


Why... cause I can.
Seriously I have always wanted to be a writer (groan yes everyone wants to be these days) and I have to start somewhere. I have also had a few experiences which reminds me that life is too short and you got to jump in with both feet even if it is someone else wagon.


Aim.... Did I mention I was commitment phobic??? so while my aim is to update this regularly (ideally every day) we will see if that happens (don't want to jinx myself) more of this commitment phobic later.

So signing of for now
love, peace and blessings to you all
Kelebek