Getting Back Up

So I have always been a fluffer... can talk a lot about nothing much at all. It was common to be told as I was growing up that I could talk under wet cement. My first couple of blog posts are a testament to this but occasionally I need to be serious cause I really am a serious person and a big worrier. I just try and hide it under all this bravado. I also think to appreciate the fun in life you have to deal with the serious stuff too.


Life is full of up's and down's and the worst downer I have experienced is death. It is getting my head and heart to the same place that is hard. I believe in cycles and that we are reincarnated after death. I believe that for the person who is dead that they are in a better place not burdened by human emotions. The only certainty in life is death, each day you are alive is a day closer to your death. So this logically should mean that death is ok and is inevitable

BUT I hate it, hate, hate, hate it. It can stop now... I don't need to experience it anymore. I have learnt my lessons. Which are never answer or call mum when she has something bad to tell me or when there is a pause in her voice.

I have learnt that life is precious.

I already know this but there are some things that really drive it home, like when I...

• experienced a little baby's death; I now appreciate that I am alive and I need to be grateful for my life.


• experienced an old man's death I appreciate the family and friends that I share this life with. I learn that life isn't a race but does need to be enjoyed.


• experienced a young man's death, that left behind a young family, I realised the fragility of life and how things can change in an instance. I need to do the things that make me happy and incorporate my responsibilities into that.


• experienced a young woman's death, who also left behind a young family, I realise how important I am to those around me and so I need to let them know how much I love and care for my friends and family. I need to walk my talk.

I am still struggling with these deaths, I still get upset at random shit... But I am finding it easier to get back up. Doesn't mean I don't have lot's of bad days but it means that when I feel guilty for being happy I know that there people would want me to enjoy life.


So my current life mission is to find what I am meant to do here, you know those big questions that no-one but me knows the answer too. Along the way I will enjoy life too.

Love, light and blessings to you all

Kelebek